FINALLY! I BLOG!
I apologize for ignoring my blog for what seems to be eternity. as some of you may know, i recently became a single mom and to say that im still heartbroken would be an understatement. i don't know what happened, i thought i was doing fine, i'd manage a whole day of resisting the urge to grab my cellphone and sending HIM a message. but then i logged onto my multiply page and saw pictures of HIM and his friends (mostly female) being oh-so-happy. that was when i lost it and totally broke down.
I think what hurts me the most is that i can barely stand on my own two feet without breaking down when i think of him while he's out and about continuing on with life seemingly happier than he's ever been with me. I 've bombarded him with hate messages, hurtful words, i've even gone as far as to say mean things to his female friends. but it didn't do me any good, if anything, it made me hate who i've become. i've transformed into a completely different person. what i regret the most is that i take my anger out on my son. i hate myself for hurting him. and i realize that i need help.
So, in the middle of the night i left home with my two kids and went straight to my dad. i cried, vented and cussed so much. but my dad let it slide, he seemed to understand that i needed to release my anger, no matter what language i used. i love him so much for that. do you agree with me that sometimes we just need someone to listen to us rather than try to give advice when they have no idea what they're talking about? i think what made me feel better was that i spent the whole night rambling non-sense but not once did my dad make a remark or whatever. he just sat there, with tears in his eyes giving me an occassional hug or two.
I used to think that i'd hate men for the rest of my life. but my dad made me change my mind. i'm so blessed to have someone who loves me unconditionally and who is being super supportive and etc. yes single moms! there's HOPE for the male species!
I'm starting to pick up the pieces. i'm trying to my best to make a fresh start. i know that it won't be easy but knowing that my family and friends have my back, makes it seem a little less daunting.
Everything will be ok :)
I am living proof that there is hope after being a single mom. Years later, I am happy and remarried. It was a journey where I grew tremendously in my walk with the Lord and have become a better person inside and out.
ReplyDeleteGOD BLESS, andrea
I am so sorry for what you are going through and I pray that the Lord will uplift you and renew you and give you strength that only comes from Him. I will pray for you sweet sister.
ReplyDeletePlease know that all your bloggy friends will be supporting you and praying for you.
In Him,
Beth
Reese,
ReplyDeleteGoing back and reading your past posts. Oh how I can see myself in everything you wrote.
I have been there. I texted the hate messages, wrote all kinds of emails and yet years later, I realized, it didn't do me any good. All that anger I felt inside being related back at him, did nothing.
I doubt if he read them, I know sometimes he returned said hate emails and phone calls, but at some point it goes no where.
You're right when you said you hate the person you have become, and you blame them for that.
You must find fillers for that time. Immerse yourself in doing things for yourself. Things that will make you happy, not things you will do and then spend all that time sitting there thinking about what "he is doing!". DON'T.
Trust me, they aren't doing the same thing when it comes to you.
You will only be able to move forward when you stop looking back. Keep your eyes focused on what you really want from your life. This is a new life for you.
Spend time now taking account of what you want going forward. Remember you have people that have been there. You are not crazy and for what's it's worth, it wasn't your fault, so don't try to find fault in what you did or didn't do.
It's his fault. He did it. He had a choice.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat