Friday, July 10, 2009

Picking up the pieces

I apologize for ignoring my blog for what seems to be eternity. as some of you may know, i recently became a single mom and to say that im still heartbroken would be an understatement. i don't know what happened, i thought i was doing fine, i'd manage a whole day of resisting the urge to grab my cellphone and sending HIM a message. but then i logged onto my multiply page and saw pictures of HIM and his friends (mostly female) being oh-so-happy. that was when i lost it and totally broke down.
I think what hurts me the most is that i can barely stand on my own two feet without breaking down when i think of him while he's out and about continuing on with life seemingly happier than he's ever been with me. I 've bombarded him with hate messages, hurtful words, i've even gone as far as to say mean things to his female friends. but it didn't do me any good, if anything, it made me hate who i've become. i've transformed into a completely different person. what i regret the most is that i take my anger out on my son. i hate myself for hurting him. and i realize that i need help.
So, in the middle of the night i left home with my two kids and went straight to my dad. i cried, vented and cussed so much. but my dad let it slide, he seemed to understand that i needed to release my anger, no matter what language i used. i love him so much for that. do you agree with me that sometimes we just need someone to listen to us rather than try to give advice when they have no idea what they're talking about? i think what made me feel better was that i spent the whole night rambling non-sense but not once did my dad make a remark or whatever. he just sat there, with tears in his eyes giving me an occassional hug or two.
I used to think that i'd hate men for the rest of my life. but my dad made me change my mind. i'm so blessed to have someone who loves me unconditionally and who is being super supportive and etc. yes single moms! there's HOPE for the male species!
I'm starting to pick up the pieces. i'm trying to my best to make a fresh start. i know that it won't be easy but knowing that my family and friends have my back, makes it seem a little less daunting.
Everything will be ok :)