The Cookie Poem

The woman arrived

At an airport one night

With several long hours

Before her flight.

She hunted for a book

In the airport shop,

Bought a bag of cookies

And found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book

But happened to see,

That the man sitting beside her,

As bold as could be,

Grabbed a cookie or two

From the bag in between,

Which she tried to ignore

To avoid a scene.

So she munched the cookies

And watched the clock,

As the gutsy cookie thief

Diminished her stock.

She was getting more irritated

As the minutes ticked by,

Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice,I would blacken his eye."

With each cookie she took,

He took one too,

When only one was left,

She wondered what he would do.

With a smile on his face,

And a nervous laugh,

He took the last cookie

And broke it in half.

He offered her half,

As he ate the other,

She snatched it from him

And thought... ooh, brother!

This guy has some nerve

And he's also rude,

Why he didn't even show

Any gratitude!

She had never known

When she had been so galled,

And sighed with relief

When her flight was called.

She gathered her belongings

And headed to the gate,

Refusing to look back

At the thieving ingrate.

She boarded the plane,

And sank in her seat,

Then she sought her book,

Which was almost complete.

As she reached in her baggage,

She gasped with surprise,

There was her bag of cookies,

In front of her eyes.

If mine are here,

She moaned in despair,

The others were his,

And he tried to share.

Too late to apologize,

She realized with grief,

That she was the rude one,

The ingrate, the thief!

How many times have we absolutely known that something was a certain way, only to discover later that what we believed to be true .. was not?

Forgive Yourself

I just finished reading an entry from one of the many blogging moms that I have. The entry from Kat's "heart2heart" can be read by clicking here. It talks about forgiving those who hurt you. A topic of which unfortunately all of us are oh-too-familiar with. But as I was reading, it struck me. We talk about forgiving others so much that when it comes to us single moms, we forget to forgive the person who matters the most, ourselves.

When going through seperation, our initial reaction is to point fingers at the other party. But then again, there are some of us who'd rather blame ourselves. We suffer from the "If only" syndrome. We wallow in our regret in not doing the things we should have done or feel guilty for not having taken the initiative to prevent the relationship from falling apart. We feel worthless. We feel that we are failures and that we don't deserve to be happy or to be given a second chance. We just want the world to swallow us up rather than to allow us to carry on living our "shallow existence". We've temporarily forgotten that as Christians, our devastating circumstances can be used by God just as much as He uses our values and gifts.

Like with any other broken relationship, if we want to be healed, we must first confess our sins to God and fully accept His forgiveness. You see, some people do confess their sins and pray for forgiveness, but rather then lifting it up to the Lord and feeling a sense of peace, they keep their sins buried in their closet and continue to walk around with unnecessary guilt. They continue to look back at their mistakes failing to realize that as soon as God had forgiven them, He had forgotten their sins. In fact, if you were to look back at your mistakes, it should be for your benefit. Use it for personal reflection to gain wisdom and healing. Otherwise, don't look back at all.

God would never harm you, that's why He uses whatever circumstances you're in for your benefit. However, it doesn't mean that the enemy isn't busy at work. He's that little voice in your head that fills you up with guilt and anger. He badgers you with the notion that your a failure and uses that against you so that instead of moving forward and growing, your stuck in reverse. DO NOT LET THE ENEMY WIN! Know that when you prayed for forgiveness, God washed it away with the blood of Christ! Just as Satan uses your failures to discourage you, use Christ's blood and God's love as a means of defense!

Forgive yourself. Allow God's love and forgiveness to surround you. Say sorry to yourself and to the other party. I know that it's easier said then done, but in the end, you're the one who greatly benefits from it. You take responsiblity for your actions, and you have peace in knowing that you did the right thing. Only then will you truly start to grow in God.

Return of the Prodigal Child

This entry is dedicated to Cheri and Wayne of Glass House Ministries. I'm hoping that with my testimony, you will be given renewed hope and faith that God will be able to touch your son's heart.

I come from a good Christian family. My parents would bring my brother and I to church every Sunday and would encourage me to join the youth ministry and choir. For a time, I was happy. I would attend my church activities faithfully and was a very active Christian. I enjoyed singing in the choir because I would constantly learn new songs with lyrics that would touch my heart. I joined medical missions, would write for the youth newsletter, was part of a growth group and would teach DVBS. You could say that my life revolved around church and serving God.

But as I entered university, my interests started to change. I started to think that anything that had to do with church was "uncool". I began to drink, smoke and sneak out of the house at night to go to parties. I had gotten involved with a boy, and was very serious with him. When I had my boyfriend, everything else didn't seem to matter. I would cut class just to be with him, I would sneak out of the house to go out on dates and would return in the wee hours of the morning in time to get ready for school. My parents were suspicious of my slipping grades and change in behavior. They tried to talk to me, but I wouldn't listen. My parents and relationship with God was no longer a priority. I was sick and tired of all the rules and just wanted to have fun, I decided that I would live life my way.

Having thought that, I left home and moved into a condo with my boyfriend. For several months we'd travel around the country, we even went to Spain. We dropped out from school and would spend our days in the malls or at the beach. We had cut off communication with our parents, we didn't want to be found. We had each other and at that time, that was all that mattered. But like the saying goes, all good things come to an end. I realized that I had missed my period. I was pregnant.

To say that I was panicked would be an understatement. I was terrified. I wasn't prepared. It was then that I realized that I needed to contact my parents. And with a single text message, all the hopes and dreams my parents had for me were gone. The pregnancy devastated them. My dad was thrown into depression and my mom was furious. My parents are very careful with what they say, but at that time, my mom's vocabulary greatly expanded so to speak. I prayed and prayed, I asked God to give me strength to endure my parents' harsh words. After all, I knew I deserved it. But also, I prayed that God would give me the strength to apologize to my parents and to do whatever I could to restore my relationship with them.

Once again, I sent my parents a text message sincerely apologizing to them and telling them that I needed them. Through God's grace, my parents forgave me and invited me to visit them at home. That visit was probably one of the happiest days of my life. It was very much like the prodigal son's return home. I was welcomed with open arms and although we spent more time hugging and crying then we did talking, I wouldn't want to have it any other way. My mom told me that she had been praying for that day and that she was glad that day had finally come.

Almost 3 years has passed since that day and although we don't always see eye to eye on certain issues, I am glad to have my parents back in my life. Especially now. They are a perfect example of God's unconditional love. Despite all the headaches and heartaches I've given them, they've always stood by my side and always welcome me with open arms. Their love and faith in me is unwavering, and because of that, I realize how awesome God is to have blessed me with such wonderful people. As Christians, they too have their ordeals every now and then, but their prayer life and unwavering faith in God is what drives me to restore my relationship with Him. I pray that I will continue to grow in Him and be a good example to my kids, as my parents have been to me. To God be the glory :)

Moving On After He Moves Out

Just as I thought that I was making progress, my world comes crashing down again. Two weeks ago, I was made aware that my ex was indeed having an affair. Everything I said in my last post was thrown out the window. I fell back into a deep depression, I refused to eat, I would constantly send angry messages to my ex and was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Recovering from a break up is bad enough, but to find out that theres another woman just makes matters worse. I decided that it was time to make my WHOLE family aware of the situation. So despite my mother being on the other side of the world on vacation, I called her up and told her the news. I held back from telling her because I was afraid of her reaction, but to my relief, she remained very supportive and comforting. I guess it's true that no matter what, at the end of the day, you can always count on your family. Upon her arrival home, my mom handed me a book that my aunt wanted me to have, its called "Moving On After He Moves Out". This book is God sent. It was hard to read because I felt like I was reliving the nightmare, but it opened up my eyes to several things. There are tidbits from this book that I would like to share with you all, I hope that somehow the following will help you find yourself again...

(1) Facing the abandonment

For many months, the abandonment will replay in your mind over and over again. Even when you think that your making progress and finally moving forward, there will always be something that will remind you of the situation. Again, a wave of emotions will hit you. The anger, the sadness, the loneliness and etc. Understand that it is perfectly normal. However, don't allow yourself to dwell on "what should be" or "what could be", instead think of "what is". As harsh as it may be, remind yourself of the fact that your husband left you behind and that it's time to pick up the pieces. Pray, and commit all that your feeling and thinking to God. Everytime you bravely face abandonment, you are empowering yourself.

(2) Being assertive and realistic

Do not allow the situation to drown you in the "victim mentality". Everytime you feel that you are doing so, ask yourself, "How long will I allow this to go on? How long will I allow him to victimize me? Manipulate me with his betrayal? Will I allow this man to destroy me and my family?" Then tell yourself, "Enough is enough! I will no longer allow him to take over my life! I refuse to be a victim!" It is time to be assertive, to finally take control of your life and realize that despite everything, you are a worthwhile person! Being realistic means that you should keep in mind that change is gradual, it happens over time. You don't just wake up one day and expect everything to be ok. You will have setbacks, after all, you're an imperfect being. But don't beat yourself up over it, know that although you may stumble you always move ahead a little farther then yesterday.

(3) Choose your friends wisely

The people you surround yourself during this tough situation can either help build yourself up or drive you deeper into your problems. Avoid people who tell you to toughen up and not be bitter. These people are unreal and wouldn't be saying that if they were in your situation. You should also avoid spiritually superficial people and people who tend to take sides. Be around friends who you know are sincere and don't pretend that abandonment isn't a big deal. Be with people who allow you to cry and release your feelings but who will keep you focused on figuring out why this happened, the possibilities of the marriage being restored and if all else fails, the practical steps to be taken to recover from such a horrible situation.

(4) Physical Recovery

I'm sure that plenty of you can relate to this. During the first week after the break-up, you refuse to eat or eat too much, you put on a brave face when the kids are around only to break down behind closed doors. You lack sleep. You don't care about your appearance so much that you can walk around the house all day in your pajamas that are inside out. Tell me, are you guilty of this or what? No shame in saying yes, because I can assure you that I went through this myself. It was a horrible horrible week, a week that I never want to relive again. The break- up not only hurt us psycholically but it also took a swing at our physical body and immune system, so it is very important that we work on our physical recovery.

It is imperative that we take a good 30 minutes everyday to exercise! Exercise changes the chemical make- up of your brain enabling you to handle stress better while improving your health and self- confidence. Remember that your not only exercising to look good, but because you want to stay healthy and be able to keep up wtih your growing kids. Along with exercise comes a healthy diet. You don't have to go on a crazy fad diet or deprive yourself of the foods you want to eat, in fact, you can eat whatever you want! But be reminded of portion control and balancing out the things you eat. It'd be best if you stock up on fruits, vegetables and complex carbohydrates ( breads, potatos, rice and etc). And feel free to indulge in an occasional steak or two!

Another important factor to physical recovery is sleep. Your body has gone through alot and needs to recover. Listen to your body and don't hesitate to take a nap or two if you feel like it. It's very important that you get at least 8 hours of sleep every night. If it helps, you may drink a glass of warm milk and talk to God for a while beofre going to bed. Committing the day and all your worries and thoughts to Him allows you a peaceful and well- deserved night of sleep.

(5) Developing new skills

Now that hes gone, all the household chores that you husband used to do has now been dumped onto your lap. Don't panic! Your husband wasn't some genius that could do the impossible, he simply learned a thing or two about maintenance. If he can do it, trust me, so can you. Every time you learn a new skill, particularly something that used to be your husband's domain- you'll find yourself feeling more empowered and wondering what else you can do! So go ahead! Take a risk doing the things that you thought you'd never be able to do. You just might surprise yourself.

(6) Let people help you

Although I told you not to take on the "victim mentality", neither should you take on the "superwoman mentality". You can't do everything on your own, being a single mother isn't easy so don't be hesitant to accept when people offer you help. If your friends, family or other other groups of people offer you help, be specific with your needs and be reasonable. Keep in mind that these people are reaching out to you out of the goodness of their heart so you must be careful not to exploit them.

(7) Allow God to take over your life

I won't pretend that I wasn't mad with God for a while. I didn't understand why he was tearing my family apart, nor why me and my ex couldn't work things through. It took me scripture after scripture before I realized that God indeed had a plan for my life. Some thing that I wouldn't understand because His plan was too great for me to fathom. So I did the only thing I could think of doing, I prayed and offered myself and my kids to Him. I committed all my problems to Him and prayed that everything would work out according to His plan and that He would continue to give me strength throughout this whole ordeal. I realized that things would get harder before they got better so I felt blessed when I came upon this passage:

For the Lord says, "Because she loves me, I will rescue her; I will make her great because she trusts in my name. When she calls on me I will answer; I will be with her in trouble, and rescue her and honor her. I will satisfy her with a full life and give her my salvation." (Ps 91:14- 16, adapted).

I've printed out this passage and taped it onto several places all over the house so that I am constantly reminded of God's promise. It'd help that you do the same for yourself too. I suggest that you keep a copy in your car and in your purse. Hopefully, you learn a thing or two from the above. Feel free to message me and ask questions, the book is well written so I'd be glad to type down stuff in accordance to answering your questions. God bless :)

Because being single is not a disease...

Please cry if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. What's done is done. Never go back to what is finished. But if you have to, make sure that you start with a clean slate. Never go back to where you've ended. If you lose love that doesn’t mean that you failed in love. Or that love has failed you. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. God has prepared something better for you. You just have to trust in Him and wait patiently. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.